maraoz.comOn Self-Imposed Rules
I.
I was recently fascinated by the many crude truths in Ernest Becker’s The Denial of Death, one of which was that we humans need to carve up the immense complexity and cruelty of the universe by building symbolic vehicles to make life manageable. Rulesets are one kind of such symbolic vehicles. They provide the self-imposed artificial limitations that enable you to flourish.
If you don’t have any rules, your life will inevitably revert to the norm. From what I can tell, a normal life tends to be unhappy, tired, dumb, and without purpose.
Most interesting people I know follow weird rules. While I don’t agree with most of their specific rules, I can’t help but see the correlation between structure and success.
Let me first say that I’m a big supporter of trusting your gut—of thinking critically, and being an independent decision-maker. You have to admit, however, that following your so-called “inner compass” can many times lead to unwanted results. When you’re tired, demotivated, or forget the big picture; that’s where I think rules come in to save the day.
II.
I think of rules as a playful self-imposed restriction: I try not to take them so seriously. I find having some rules, however, is vital in addressing the overwhelming complexity of the world.
Here are some of my rules:
I don’t watch porn.
I don’t use discounts.
I avoid algorithmic feeds.
I disable all notifications in all apps.
I don’t consume short-form video.
All those things are created by other people, mainly for their own benefit. Porn, discounts, algorithmic feeds, notifications and short form content are optimised to manipulate your behaviour, if not by their creators, by their platforms. Yes, you gain some utility on the way, but at what cost? The cost is losing control of your life and of your time. Reverting to the mean.
But you don’t have to accept life as it comes. You can design it with very strong opinions.
All my rules are aimed towards conservation of agency. That’s my thing. I value autonomy and authenticity very highly. Life in the age of the singularity is hectic, and a good life requires intentional decision-making. There’s lots of energy sinks hiding in every corner (people, topics, agendas), and my rules are aimed at protecting myself from them. I dread the feeling of “waking up” from a couple of hours of unconscious living.
That may not be your thing, though. I’m not very interested in convincing you about my specific rules. But I ask you to consider creating your own ruleset.
III.
Many wise people have proposed well-thought-out rulesets throughout history. Research existing ones. See which specific rules resonate with your experience, and adopt them. Or come up with your own ruleset from scratch.
Coming up with your own rules doesn’t need to be a great philosophical undertaking. Just try something! Stick with a rule for 3 weeks, and see what happens.
I recently tried forcing myself not to use whatsapp for most of the day. I added a status message saying “I only reply between 12 and 1:30pm or post 6pm. call if urgent.” I then installed an app that blocks whatsapp outside of those hours, but still allows calls to come in. I tried it for a couple of weeks, and loved the extra peace. I soon realized, however, that I required contacting people (for work or personal reasons) throughout the whole day, and didn’t really have the need for 8 hours of focus each and every day. So, I removed the rule (but kept the status message).
A more succesful example: I was struggling with staying active. I spent more time reading about optimal training disciplines than actually training. I decided to try and force myself to work out every day except Sundays. The results were amazing. Instead of wondering if my workout schedule was the best, I just knew I had to be active at least once per day. I stuck with this rule for years (I still do).
The point is: don’t think too much of rules. Just try them on and see if they fit. If they do, you’ll naturally stick to them.
IV.
We seemed to have woken up from a decade of placing too much trust in our inner compasses (eg: if something is offensive to anyone then it shouldn’t even be discussed, “Follow your dreams and find your own Path to Happiness™!”). Times are changing and there’s a fresh cultural air coming. Most of us realized that having all options open for everything all the time can be too much. I think it’s a good time for people to start sharing their rules and how they help them live a better life.
That’s why I wrote this. Let me know what rules you discovered for yourself and what you think about mine.
Final Words
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Acknowledgments
Cover photo by Grok Imagine.
Thanks to Δle and deadpine for providing feedback on earlier versions of this post.